12 Years Later
by NeonDomino
Summary: My first Harry Potter story Challenge: Ashleigh's monthly competition - September - Write about your first OTP (mine was Sirius and Remus) Remus and Sirius had never told each other about their feelings - Now 12 years later Sirius has escaped from Azkaban and Remus has left Hogwarts, Sirius invites Remus to stay with him in Grimmauld Will they admit their feelings? ONESHOT


**A/N - Well I've never tried to write slash before but the challenge gave me no choice in the matter. I thought I would give it a go.**

**Please leave a review - no flames just constructive criticism please.**

**Challenge: Ashleigh's Monthly Competitions (September) Write about your first OTP. Mine was Remus and Sirius.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**PLEASE DON'T READ IF UNDER 18. Mature content in this story.**

**If you don't like slash, don't read this.**

* * *

It had been a few months since he last saw Sirius - which was that night in the Whomping Willow, the same night he had almost hurt someone, the same night Sirius escaped from the Dementors. Remus had left the castle the next day with nowhere to go.

Dumbledore had paid him until the end of the year, arguing that it was in his contract to receive the full years pay, even if he had to leave because of the very reason he left (students finding out about him being a werewolf). Remus checked the contract it was definitely there.

He had gone to stay in the leaky cauldron in the cheapest room they had that night. It barely fit in the bed and wardrobe but it was somewhere to live. He didn't like to spend his money, not knowing when he would get more and quickly unpacked. He planned to start looking for a room to rent as soon as possible, until he fixed up his old rundown cottage that is, it was falling apart and barely standing.

He sat on the bed that could hardly be called a single bed, and sighed deeply. He pulled out a piece of parchment and set it on his lap, using a charm to harden it so he could write, he got a message ready for Sirius.

_Padfoot,_

_I have taken residence in the Leaky Cauldron as I have left my post at the castle. I hope this letter finds you well._

_Unfortunately it has been widespread that I am a werewolf, I left knowing the letters from parents would soon arrive there requesting my removal from the post._

_I would like to know why you do not return to your home? I understand the memories there would be difficult to deal with, but armed with a secret keeper you will be safest there. The Ministry not thinking to look there as they wouldn't be able to find it._

_I hope you accept my offer for secret keeper if you do decide to go down that route._

_I also hope to see you again one day soon my old friend._

_Remus_

He called his owl down from the perch on top of the wardrobe, he had bought an owl that morning when he ventured into Diagon Alley, although he normally hoarded his money he couldn't resist buying an owl so he could contact Sirius whenever he could. He realised it was more of an investment, getting the letters sent at the post office was starting to add up. An owl of his own was cheaper in the long run.

He fed the owl some treats, and had a conversation with it - him - Archimedes he decided. He explained about Sirius and attached the letter and a small package with a quill, some ink and spare parchment to Archimedes' leg and asked if he would wait for a reply. He said that Sirius might not have anything to offer him when the letter arrived but Archimedes could expect something extra when he returned. He didn't know how many supplies that Sirius actually had and added some food to the package.

He hoped the owl understood what he was saying, and opened the window. Archimedes flew away.

It wasn't until the next day when a reply came back to him.

_Moony,_

_Although I would hate to stay in the Black family home, I hate staying in the dark and drafty caves more. I think I will go with your idea and go back there._

_However I would prefer not to have you as secret keeper, and have in fact sent an additional letter to Dumbledore asking him to do so._

_I hope instead you choose to come and stay at Grimmauld Place with me. I won't take a no on this matter. I will be returning there in a couple of days, and Dumbledore will be contacting you to bring you here. Make sure you have everything with you._

_I look forward to spending time with you._

_Padfoot_

Remus read the letter and offered his owl a couple of snacks before heading down to have some dinner. Quickly he scanned down the prices looking for something that didn't cost too much and settled for a bowl of soup with bread. He sighed deeply he had grown accustomed to the large meals that Hogwarts had provided and needed to expect less again so his money could stretch further. When he had finished and gone back to his room, he found another owl waiting on the window-ledge and after reading the letter, found himself being told to head to Hogwarts at the end of the week on way to the Black home.

That week was the longest week of his life, and that was saying something as his life seemed to drag on. He was just excited to see Sirius, as that night was the first time he had seen him in 12 years with the exception of the wanted posters and the photographs of course.

He had never visited Sirius in Azkaban, not that he could if he wanted to. He thought that the boy he had grown up with, the man that he had grown into had hidden his true colours and turned out to be a true Black much like the rest of his family. He thought Sirius was evil, betraying them all, betraying him and killing the rest of their friends. The scary thing was no matter how evil he thought Sirius was, his mind still plagued him with thoughts and dreams and memories of his friend.

He thought back to the Shrieking Shack, when he embraced Sirius for the first time in so many years, it felt so right having Sirius back in his arms. The amazing feeling of having the man he loved holding him... even though Sirius didn't see it like that, Sirius had no knowledge of his feelings and Remus wanted to keep it that way. Sirius was always a ladies man in school, a different girl every week, sometimes daily. Once he even had 2 girls on the same day.

No, Sirius would never be interested but that didn't stop Remus from loving him. He just chose to be careful. Never hug for longer then expected and think everything through before speaking those were the rules he was setting for himself. The same rules he had used as a younger man.

Remus wasn't going to mess up this time, Sirius had accepted his apology so easily and he in turn was not upset that they thought he might have been the spy. Those were dark times and everyone was suspicious of everyone. He could understand why people thought it would be him after all.

He stayed in the Leaky Cauldron for those few days, and in that time managed to secure a place for himself in muggle London in an office, just call-centre work but it was work all the same. He made sure he had every full moon and the following day off each month, muggles don't seem to pay attention to the dates so they took his excuses without question.

He packed up his cases and put Archimedes into a cage and brought the stuff to the fireplace. He quickly stepped in with everything and sent himself to the castle to Dumbledore's office.

"Ah Remus, how have you been?" asked Dumbledore as Remus stepped out of his fireplace.

"As well as can be expected Albus." Remus replied, taking a seat in the office.

"Well I am glad that you are staying with Sirius, after everything he has been through and you have been through, you could both do with somewhere stable to live and companionship."

They chatted for a few minutes, Dumbledore asking about Remus' new job and Remus asking about the students and Harry, Ron and Hermione before Dumbledore got up from his desk.

He handed Remus a piece of paper and told him to memorize the address.

_12 Grimmauld Place_

Remus threw the paper into the fire after a moment of looking at it and Albus shook his hand as he headed over to the floo. "Remus my boy I hope it works out this time," Albus told him, and Remus looked at him in confusion. Albus winked at him and held out the bowl of floo powder and with another confused look at Dumbledore, he went to Grimmauld Place.

What he didn't expect when he arrived was Sirius sitting facing the fireplace, a bottle of firewhisky next to him with 2 glasses. For a moment their eyes met and suddenly Sirius was on his feet, pulling Remus into a hug "Moony old friend its been too long!" He pulled away and helped Remus dust off, before handing him a firewhisky and pulling Remus' bags from the fireplace and letting Archimedes out of his cage.

"Let me show you around," Sirius said excitedly, grabbing the cases to bring them upstairs. "Sirius let me take them," Remus told him and Sirius shot him a look. "Remus I would rather you not argue with me, I'm taking the bags to your room." Remus nodded and followed Sirius up to the second floor. Sirius nodded to a door and Remus opened it and looked around. The room was massive, containing a bed, desk, bookcase, wardrobe and chest of drawers and space for a lot more furniture. It was freshly painted in cream with hints of red and gold around the room.

"If there's any other furniture you need in here just say the word Remus." Sirius said from the doorway when he put the bags down.

"Sirius... you didn't have to go through all this effort," said Remus looking around the massive room in shock.

"Oh but Moony I did. I hate that you move around having to take what you are offered. Why should I not offer you the best room in the house. Well apart from my room, unless you'd like to share?" He winked and Remus chuckled nervously.

"I'll show you around the rest of the house," he offered and Remus followed him from the room. Sirius started by going to the room facing, showing Remus his own bedroom and then the bathroom on the same floor before they went down to the first floor where Sirius showed him a living room and then stood by another door waiting for Remus to go in. He leaned against the wall watching Remus open the door, his hands in his pockets and a slight smirk on his face.

Remus looked at him suspiciously before opening the door, his gaze moving from Sirius' face to the room. He looked around, and could see row upon row of bookcases, each full with books and diaries. There were a couple of armchairs and a sofa at the end of the room in a nice sitting area of the room.

"It looks like its been done up recently" Remus found himself commenting and Sirius shrugged "I assumed that you'd be spending a lot of time in here so made it comfortable for you."

Remus smiled, glancing through the titles of the nearest bookcase for a moment before heading towards the door and following Sirius out of the room.

Sirius headed back down to the ground floor, pointing towards the kitchen, dining room and a set of stairs to the basement where he mentioned was reinforced for Remus' monthly problem and then made his way back to the study and poured them another firewhisky.

"Sirius, you've done a lot of work here to help someone who's only passing through..." Remus said carefully. He knew he would love to stay here - with Sirius. Hell he would love to stay anywhere with Sirius but didn't understand why Sirius went through so much trouble.

Sirius fixed him with a glare. "Moony my friend, I don't have plans on you leaving. You said yourself that you go from one place to the next, small rooms, sofas and such. I'm giving you that room as your own."

"Sirius as much as I appreciate your offer, I can't accept it! I..." Remus started but Sirius raised his voice and interrupted him.

I know what you're going to say Remus, I know you hate to accept anything from anyone and you're a proud man, I know you fear that you are an inconvenience by staying somewhere too long. but it would mean a great deal to me to have company in this house, not just any company Remus - your company. This is a large house and I have been alone too long."

Remus let out a sigh, and Sirius could see that Remus was now at least considering it.

"I know this is selfish of me to ask this of you Remus, but I need you. Please stay here." He spoke softly and watched Remus' resolve break.

Remus took a deep breath. "I will stay as long as you need me here for Sirius. I must admit I live a lonely life too and the thought of settling down in one place for more than a month is tempting and I think I need you too," he admitted, looking away to hide his blush.

"Plus this is by far the nicest room I have ever had the pleasure of being offered. I tend to never get the luxury to have such a spacious room." Remus admitted, and Sirius stared at him a long time.

"I know no-one who deserves a good life more than you Remus," he said seriously, putting his hand on Remus' arm for a moment. "This room is yours for as long as you want it. If you choose never to leave, then the room will be forever yours."

Remus was shocked. "I can't thank you enough," he said, throwing his arms around Sirius. Sirius put his arms around Remus but neither of them let go for a long time.

Finally Remus pulled away and looked into Sirius' eyes. There was something he couldn't place and he felt very nervous. He was where he always wanted to be, wrapped in Sirius' arms and Sirius looked as nervous as Remus felt.

"I accept your offer Sirius, shall we have a drink to celebrate?" he asked moving away from Sirius and missing the look of disappointment that flashed over his face. Remus shared the same look on his, but Sirius didn't miss his at least.

They settled into armchairs with a drink each, both with thoughts occupying their minds. Sirius was staring at Remus and Remus stared back. Suddenly Remus finished his drink and made his excuses of being tired and went to bed, leaving Sirius sitting alone in the study with the rest of the bottle of firewhisky.

Remus started his job the next morning, and that was enough to take his mind off the evening before with Sirius. He had thought about it much of the night and put it all down to Sirius not having any contact with anyone for so long, that he's just making the most of having someone around now. Perhaps over time he'll be different.

His workday came to an end and he headed back to Grimmauld Place, to find that Sirius had started dinner "Sorry there's not a lot in," he said, and Remus smiled when he saw what was basically a fry-up on the table. "Its fine - great actually, I haven't had a proper meal since leaving Hogwarts," he said truthfully as he sat down to eat.

He ate quickly, Sirius watching him devour the food quickly, and grabbed another plate of leftovers on the side and dished the rest between them. He felt hungry as well but that was because he had been in Azkaban and the care there was ridiculous, but Remus, he had struggled through life, people looking down on him because of a condition that made him less of a man (in other people's eyes) Sirius never thought less off him though, he thought more of Remus for living this life, day in day out just accepting that this is how things are.

He wanted Remus to be a real man again, not the shadow he was seeing of the man he knew 12 years ago.

He poured them both a glass of champagne and lifted his "to being room-mates again!" Sirius announced and was followed by Remus "to renewing old friendships." They drunk their glass and grinned at each other.

The next day Remus took some of his savings and went food shopping, stocking up the house, Sirius had been told they were having a takeaway for dinner and Remus brought back Chinese. Again they sat around the table enjoying their meals and talking.

This routine went on for a few weeks and soon Remus' pay started coming in and he could stop dipping into his savings. He offered Sirius some of it but Sirius growled at him.

"Dammit Remus, I thought we had an understanding. I am not offering charity to you by allowing you to stay here rent free, I am helping a friend, who is in turn helping me from stopping me becoming mad alone with my thoughts. I NEED you here with me. In fact, if I thought you would accept it, I would give you all the money to my name. Don't insult my generosity."

Remus sighed. "Thank you Sirius, I'm not used to kindness shown to me." Remus mumbled.

Remus stood up and went into the next room, Sirius stood up and followed him to find Remus disappear in the fireplace.

An hour later, Remus reappeared to find Sirius sitting facing the fireplace watching, the same as the first time he arrived. Sirius looked pale.

"I'm sorry Remus, I didn't mean to upset you or drive you away..." he started and Remus raised a hand to quiet him. "No Sirius you are right to say what you did. However I thought you unable to refuse if I bought you a present."

Sirius took a deep breath in relief "I thought you were leaving me," he growled, and Remus put his hand on Sirius' arm.

"Padfoot. I'll never leave you again," He promised softly, and Sirius pulled him in for a hug, Just as he was about to let go, Sirius started shaking slightly in his arms. He held Sirius for the entire time he shook, whispering words of comfort trying to calm him.

Finally Sirius pulled away and Remus saw the look on his face, it was one of... vulnerability and more - something that Remus struggled to place. Remus stepped back and removed his coat, and pulling out of the large pockets a packet. He put it on the table and waved his wand and the bag enlarged.

He opened it and pulled out 3 bottles of Firewhisky "for you old friend." He said smiling and Sirius smiled back softly.

"Well it would be only rude to not offer you a drink wouldn't it?" Sirius said, opening the first bottle and with a wave of his wand, 2 glasses zoomed into the room.

They sat down in front of the fire as usual, each with a glass of firewhisky. It was silent for a long time before Sirius spoke up.

"I'm sorry for my reaction Remus," he said, staring towards the fire.

"Just the few days with you had made so much of a difference, when I thought I was going to lose you I started going mad. That hour felt like a lifetime. I felt like I was back in Azkaban."

"But you manage when I go to work?" Remus asked concerned and Sirius nodded. "That's because I know that you will come back. I don't think I could cope with losing you again."

Remus looked at the man who was so tormented. The man who had haunted his dreams since they were 16. The man who for the last 12 years he had thought evil but still couldn't let go of him. He knew that he would never leave Sirius, no matter what happened Sirius needed him. The steel grey eyes of Sirius' were trained on him and Remus poured him another drink.

"It was a dark place Remus, worse than what you hear about it. We were fed just enough to keep us alive but no more than that, we weren't even taken to wash. We lived in our own filth. Last time before I escaped that I had a shower was 2 years before. There were accidents of course, the Dementors would get over excited and just attack prisoners without warning. I watched 6 people have it happen just because the Dementors got excited. There were times I wished I had died too, but like I said before I kept going because I knew I was innocent it stopped the madness from taking me over completely. I knew Peter was out there somewhere and promised my revenge on him, I had to live to see that through.

The day I escaped was the day the newspaper was left for me - my emotions were really strong and it excited the Dementors, one couldn't resist coming into my room. That's when I turned into Padfoot and ran."

Remus was shaking, shaking at the thought that Sirius could have so easily lost his life.

"I can't even compare, I thought my life terrible but I had freedom at least..." Remus started and Sirius snorted. "You haven't Moony. You are locked in your own prison by the world we live in. You may be allowed to walk around but you may as well be locked up. People judge you and stay away, you are alone. As alone as I am" he said.

"You don't get to keep a job, you don't get to go and enjoy life, you just go through one day at a time trying to keep yourself going. You said yourself the other day that you hadn't had a proper meal in a while. You can't live like that any longer Moony. You've been a prisoner almost as much as I have, you've lost everything too. You don't deserve to live such a hard life."

He had stood up and crouched in front of Remus and looked into his eyes. "You promised to me that you wouldn't leave me, I want you to know that I make the same promise to you. I will be here as long as you need me".

He reached his hand up and stroked Remus' face softly, Remus closing his eyes at the feeling, but soon Sirius moved back to his own seat.

Remus opened his eyes and looked into Sirius' again. He excused himself from the room to go to bed. It was getting harder and harder for him to be around Sirius when he had all these feelings for Sirius and with Sirius not realising how he was affecting him. He didn't realise that Sirius was becoming very slightly aware of Remus' reaction to him.

The next day was a Saturday and Remus made himself scarce, spending more time in his room and the library, and then went to make dinner for them both. Dinner was a quiet affair this time, with both sneaking looks at each other. Sirius noticing more than Remus what the looks he was receiving meant and Remus just getting embarrassed that Sirius had caught him looking.

That evening Sirius poured two glasses of firewhisky and waited. Remus turned up as was their evening ritual and silently took his glass. After half a bottle the conversation started up.

Normally they talked about the past, when they were at school or about Remus' work. They stuck to topics that seemed safe. This evening however Sirius felt it was different.

"Moony, I have to ask - did you ever find a mate?" he said and Remus looked at him for a while. "No I didn't," he answered. "No-one ever got close enough for me to mark them."

Sirius frowned "why not?"

Remus gave a laugh, one full of pain. "Why not you ask? Because who would accept someone like me, someone who turns into a nightmare once a month. A dangerous mindless beast? People don't trust someone like me. I'm lucky to even hold a job for long. I'm lucky I've not died of starvation or cold but people just walk past as I'm nothing!" Remus burst out.

He took a couple of deep breaths "Maybe it was me too, maybe in the back of my mind I couldn't bring myself to trust anyone enough to get close to me, until recently I had lost everyone that ever mattered to me, I thought you a killer my friend. I hated you but I hated myself for still needing you for the last 12 years and I hate myself more than ever now for not believing in you. For the last 12 years I never looked at anyone and wanted to get close to them again."

"You never wanted to settle down in all this time?" Sirius asked and Remus just shook his head.

"No relationships? But back in school the girls there - you were 'studying' with them all the time. You don't still live like that just having the one night stands do you?" Sirius was concerned.

"I've never been with a girl." Remus chuckled harshly.

Sirius stared at him for a long time, Remus looked away from his gaze, He already had enough problems being a werewolf but this - would Sirius still want to be his friend in this situation?"

"But you're not a virgin?" he questioned, Remus said "No".

After another long pause and Remus excused myself from the room, which caused Sirius to jump up and call after him. Remus didn't listen, he left the room and went to his bedroom, thinking a nights sleep would clear his head and give him time to deal with the shock that Sirius seemed to feel.

**oOoOo**

Sirius knew that day was the day Remus was supposed to arrive. He tried to keep busy all morning and watching out for Remus to appear but as the day went on Sirius found himself with no interest in anything but watching the fire. He sat there for hours, just watching and waiting for him to arrive, and when he stepped out of the fire, Sirius felt more complete than he had in 12 years.

As time went on he noticed Remus staring at him and couldn't help staring back. He had spent a long time alone and wondered what the look on Remus' face meant. Slowly it started to come to him and one night when Remus had excused himself he had a suspicion that maybe the love he had held onto for the last 12 years in Azkaban alone wasn't as one-sided as he previously thought. The love that he had felt back when he was in Hogwarts

He waited to question Remus until the next night. He just needed to know if he had a shot to even make Remus fall in love with him. He knew he couldn't live without Remus any longer.

He thought back to Halloween 12 years ago, the plans that had been made for him, Peter and Remus to go out. Peter had agreed to make plans with them and they had their costumes. He remembered being disappointed that James couldn't come but as long as he was alive that's all that mattered. He remembered Peter saying he could come out but not for long, he had a date. That was the point where Sirius was going to make his move on Remus.

He remembered clearly that him and Remus were drinking in the pub when Peters girlfriend Lucy walked in and had no idea where Peter was, and no plans to see him that evening, as he was supposed to be with the boys. Sirius had gotten a really bad feeling then, and left Remus with Lucy. That's when The Potters were betrayed.

The time Remus walked away and into the fireplace Sirius felt the madness hit him, he felt the walls closing in and this was 100 times worse because he thought he had lost Remus again and this time would have been his own doing.

He knew if Remus returned then there would be no way that he would allow Remus to go without telling him his feelings, because he realised how easy it was to lose him. He spent that hour working out how to find out if Remus shared his feelings.

The chat they had just had helped a lot. Remus was hiding a lot, but Sirius was sure there were some feelings in there somewhere for him. He just had to get Remus to admit to them.

Then it finally occurred to him. Remus had gotten so used to being passed over and rejected, to being made to feel unworthy of anything that he would never even consider making a move if he felt the same way. It had to be Sirius. Remus would never set himself up for rejection, he was too broken already. He would go to Remus' room. He would tell Remus that he liked men too and see how Remus reacted.

With that decided, he stood to go upstairs.

**oOoOo**

It must have been about an hour later. Remus woke up to someone sliding in his bed next to him. A smooth rough voice spoke "Moony - Remus?". Remus stayed silent.

"I know you're awake but I'm not leaving."

Another pause.

"I had to think hard about coming in here Remus. It bothers me it really does. It bothers me that you never told me that you were gay. It bothered me until I realised something."

Sirius took a deep breath and continued. "I realised I couldn't be so upset at you for not telling me when I didn't tell you my secret."

Remus shifted slightly. He was curious as to what Sirius had to say. Sirius felt him shift and tried to calmhis growing nerves.

"You know my reputation back in school with all the girls, well yes I was with them but it never felt right. That's why it was girl after girl because I knew something was missing from it and thought I was just with the wrong girl each time, I thought I'd meet one that would feel right but it never happened. I did come to realise what was missing and it took me until the last year of school. Something made me aware of what was wrong."

Remus rolled over so he was facing Sirius, his face looked dark and pained and Remus sat up in the bed.

"I remember, you stopped with all the girls then. We all thought you had gotten serious with one and wouldn't tell us." Remus answered.

"No," Sirius said "I realised that I had different tastes."

Remus' mouth went dry. "What tastes? What made you realise?"

"I had an incident where I walked in on someone - a friend actually... he was in the shower and my body reacted in a way that scared the shit out of me. It took me a few days to even admit to myself it happened. I shagged a few girls trying to prove myself wrong but I felt nothing, no enjoyment, nothing at all! In fact I felt disgusted that I used those girls to try to prove a point. It took a few months to admit I was gay. I kept denying it, because in families like mine you're brought up thinking it was wrong when it wasn't wrong at all. I finally admitted it when I realised that my family still had a hold over me in that way - they tried to convince me about Purebloods being better than half bloods or muggleborns and I disagreed with that, so I couldn't work out why I held on to their beliefs about sexuality. I realised I needed to forget what my family forced into my head and work out my own views on it. I worked out a lot about myself."

Remus nodded.

"When did you realise Remus?"

"When I was about 15. Everyone was starting to show interest in girls, and for a while I thought that maybe I was just taking longer to then everyone else. By the time I turned 16 I had started noticing guys instead. I started falling for someone and didn't realise it at first but my feelings just grew. I accepted it was something I couldn't control when I was 17 and had a lot of dreams about that someone."

"Then what?" Sirius asked.

"Then I lost him." Remus said, looking away.

Sirius was silent for a few moments and then Remus found a hand grasp his arm.

"Did he... did he ever return?" Sirius asked softly and Remus looked into his eyes and saw a hopeful look, but instead of answering he had his own question "Who was it you saw in the shower?"

Sirius gave a smirk "It was in the dorm bathroom Moony, so take a guess - there were only 5 of us in that dorm. It was quite late that evening, I had gotten back from a detention and felt horrible and was sneaking as I thought everyone else was asleep in bed. I opened the door to find a very attractive dorm-mate playing with himself. Someone who looked so good I questioned everything I thought I was. He unknowingly turned my life around."

Sirius took a deep breath and looked into Remus' eyes, who seemed transfixed on his own.

"So tell me Remus, did he ever return?"

Remus nodded his head "I lost him for a long time but he's come back. But whether he'll be mine is another question."

"Any man would be out of their mind to refuse you Remus. Maybe it's not too late."

There was a long silence between them and Sirius stood up. He didn't want to push the conversation any further in case Remus withdrew from him, and decided to continue it the next evening. "I'll leave you to think things over, but if you ever need to talk or anything day or night I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere." Sirius said, emphasising the last 4 words. As he approached the door he continued "I'll always be here no matter what you decide Remus, I promise you that."

As he reached the door Remus realised he couldn't think about this any longer. He had a whole life was full of what-ifs. What if he had told Sirius when they were in school, what if he knew Sirius was gay before, what if Sirius knew Remus was gay, what-ifs about everything. All Remus knew was he didn't want him to leave. He had enough of putting life on hold. He wanted what he had wanted since he was 16.

He wanted Sirius. Just for Sirius to be his. Even just to hold him, to feel the other mans arms around him.

"You don't have to leave," Remus said quietly, and Sirius paused and stood still. "I don't want to lose you again. It's always been you Sirius. I've lost so much but when I lost you it hurt the most. I thought I knew you better than even James. I've had one night stands, drunken nights where I've been so ashamed of myself in the morning. I always picked men that looked like you, I couldn't move on. You were the only man I ever wanted. I felt like I lost everything when I lost you."

Sirius turned around, a smirk on his face. "Do you know I've dreamt of hearing you say that? Well the part about me being the only man you ever wanted, not the one night stands part."

They both chuckled softly, nervously.

"When I saw you again, when I felt your arms around me I felt more complete than I had in years," Sirius whispered. "Each time I've had you in my arms I've not wanted to let you go. My arms feel so empty without you."

"Stay? Stay here with me please," Remus whispered, and Sirius slowly walked back to the bed and pulled the covers back and slipped in. With a wave of his wand, the light was gone and he moved towards Remus and wrapped his arms around him.

"This is what I've imagined for years" Remus muttered and then looked at him. "Hang on... you watched me masturbate in the shower?" he asked and Sirius barked in laughter, "yes and I'd like to see you do it again."

Slowly Remus brought his face towards Sirius.' "But do you want an old werewolf Sirius?"

"You and only you Remus, do you want an old mutt who's on the run and wanted for murder?"

"Very much."

Sirius examined Remus' face. Remus was holding the same expression he had when he transformed. He looked so vulnerable and scared, Sirius quickly went to reassure him.

"I can see the look on your face, it's the same look you always have when you transform back from being Moony. You're scared but there is no need to be. We have each other now, its Sirius and Remus, the last Marauders against the world. Together."

"Together? I like that!"

"Good - I did tell you Moony, I'm a selfish man and will take what I want and I want you to be mine. To accept me and maybe even for you to choose me as your mate. I have very little to offer you, I know you'd refuse my money but I offer you it anyway, anything you need. I offer you my home as our home, and I offer you my love for as long as you want it."

"I admit I'm selfish too and I'll never be able to let you go. I have less to offer, just myself."

"Just you is enough Moony."

"As is you Padfoot."

They finally kissed, Sirius taking control and sliding his tongue into Remus' mouth. He bit his lip softly and pulled away to kiss Remus' neck.

"Forgive me I have no experience with men Moony, when I was finally ready to tell you my feelings, I was taken away."

Remus gave a small nod "I never done anything that felt too intimate with another man, only in a position where I could pretend it was you."

"Well that can change now, because it is me and it will always be me. I don't ever want anyone else, only you Remus. I will allow you to show me because I've wanted this for so many years."

Remus slid down the bed, pulling the covers with him kissing down Sirius' body. "This is something I've never offered anyone else, I allowed myself to be selfish in the past," he whispered, helping Sirius out of his trousers, and running his tongue up Sirius' length.

Sirius was propped up on his arms watching Remus, he let out a groan as Remus slowly brought his lips over the tip and slid them down, taking most of Sirius' length into his mouth. Slowly he brought his mouth up and down, winding his tongue around it and feeling Sirius give a slight thrust. He moved over Sirius' cock faster, moving a hand to the rest of the shaft and pumping.

Sirius groaned loudly and Remus moved even faster. Within minutes, Sirius threatened to cum and told Remus to stop but Remus ignored him, bringing his hand away from the shaft, he cupped Sirius' balls and gave a squeeze as Sirius thrust hard and Remus felt his cock twitch in his mouth as Sirius released it. Remus slowly stopped and looked up at Sirius who was panting and trying to get his breath back.

"Fuck Remus, to think we could have done this years ago" he muttered, his grey eyes fixed intently on Remus'. "But I think its my turn now," he followed, his gaze slowly working down Remus' body. "Sit on the edge of the bed," he ordered, gaining confidence.

"Knowing you've never done that either makes this easier for me" Remus took his trousers off and settled on the edge of the bed and Sirius knelt between his legs and slowly took Remus in his mouth.

He started slowly, thinking back to when he'd have a girl doing that to him and would close his eyes and pretend she was someone else, the last bunch of girls he had been with he had done just that, imagined Remus was doing it and now it had actually happened. He started mimicking Remus' movements hoping to bring the same joy to him. He sucked on Remus, playing with the tip of his cock as Remus lay back moaning. He took Remus' full length into his mouth and gave it his all, sucking and pumping it into his mouth.

Within minutes Remus was shouting his name and tried to pull out but he held him in place and felt warm sticky cum fill his mouth. He swallowed fast before rising off his knees.

Remus had his eyes closed and was taking deep breaths. Sirius didn't want to wait any longer. "I want you Remus," he said. "Can we still do it like this?" he asked gesturing to how Remus was laying and Remus nodded.

"So which way around do we go?" Sirius said nervously and Remus chuckled. "Never did I think you would be asking me for sex advice Padfoot."

Sirius laughed too and Remus replied "I'll let you decide," and he watched Sirius smirk. Remus could see his choice on his face Remus slid back on the bed and Sirius climbed on top of him.

"Don't hold back Padfoot." he asked as Sirius lined himself up and with a grunt he slid inside Remus.

He still found himself holding back, savouring the look on Remus face as he thrust. Here it was, it felt more right then the many girls he had been with. This was what he had waited so long for. He felt Remus try meet him thrust for thrust and heard him asking - no - begging for more. Sirius complied and pulled out, thrusting in as hard as possible and watched Remus grab his own cock and pump it fast. Sirius gave it everything he had, and with only a few thrusts they were shouting each others names, he felt himself release inside Remus and leaned forward to bite Remus on the shoulder, hoping Remus would do the same - if Remus chose to bite him back then he would be Remus' mate.

Once his teeth bit gently, he felt Remus bite him hard but carefully back as he came all over Sirius' and his own chest.

He felt like collapsing and slowly slid out of Remus and flopped onto the bed next to him.

"So when something was missing before..." Remus started.

"I found it Remus, it was you that was missing." Sirius interrupted, "and after a performance like that, there is no way I'm ever giving you up."

Remus chuckled "Like that was even an option. You don't mind that I marked you?"

"No I hoped that you would, I told you I want nothing more then to be your mate and that's why I bit you first."

"Although I had always hoped you would be happy and living a wonderful life, there was a part of me that hoped that maybe somewhere in your heart was a place for me, and if there was, that you wouldn't have allowed someone else to be your mate and I'd find my way back to you."

Sirius rolled closer to Remus and put his arms around him and kissed him softly "I'm yours now Moony," he said, as Remus lay in his arms.

"I love you Sirius Black!"

"I love you too Remus Lupin. Now I think there's some packing to do."

"Oh and why is that?"

"Because I don't plan to spend another night away from you. So shall I move in here or do you want to come to my room?"

Remus chuckled "Lets decide that in the morning" he said, as Sirius wrapped the Werewolf in his arms again and they closed their eyes.


End file.
